It is important to know how much rejection or the fear and anticipation of rejection is affecting your life. Only you can answer that! The effect can lead to avoiding work, people, family, and dating. It leads to loss of time, OCD traits, avoidance and distraction habits. Here are some things I thought of to broaden the topic on rejection.
Why does rejection hurt so much?
I believe that we are built to receive and give love. Love matters. Many philosophies and religions have so much to say about love. One of my favorite movies is Interstellar where are heroes talk about the quantum physics of love that goes beyond time and space. Love is profound. When life hurts us it causes us to question, “Are we loveable the way we are?.” And since love is connected to the heart…it hurts. Therapy is a really great place to learn the baby steps of self love and self esteem.
How it can lead to other fears?
When we have experienced intense rejection it can cause lots of rumination and fears. Social phobias and low self esteem become so prevalent they are mistaken for one’s personality. It is important to gently and slowly become separated from our fears so our fears don’t define us! Our brains and hearts are incredible adaptable mechanisms and they can be nurtured and grow away from well ingrained fears.
What does it mean when others point it out or suggest therapy?
For anyone getting feedback, “have you tried therapy?” Does not always mean you need therapy. That is a personal choice for each person to make to find healing and transformation. Sometimes it is helpful when people point it out and sometimes it can be hurtful. When people say “Try Therapy” be mindful to understand that they don’t know how to help you and perhaps are feeling the need to offer advice. We are a very codependent society where we all feel obligated to help others. Whatever the reason, therapy is your decision. And not everyone is ready for therapy. Also some people have had negative experiences of therapy. How you take that information from people pointing out you are more sensitive and need help is for you to learn about at your own pace.
Can rejection be overcome?
YES! The journey to overcome this might be different for each person. But yes. CBT is a very good way to help challenge the beliefs that cause anxiety, depression, worry, fear, and negative coping. Just because we have bad experiences they don’t’ define us. I am a fan of the singer and song writer, Nightbird who said “I am much so more than the bad things that have happened to me.” Wether neurodiverse or not, we can retrain our mind to focus on things slowly and gently that bring about peace and calm and build self esteem.
Why is rejection harder for neurodiverse folk?
We now know that neurodiverse folk have more experiences of rejection than others from social communication barriers, different focus on ways of communication and interacting, and different value systems. So a lot of misunderstanding. And many who are neurodivergent have experienced bullying and being taken advantage of. Neurodivergents also have sensitive nervous systems, hyper awareness and feelings, and stronger ability to ruminate and hyper focus on the negative. Therapy is a place to slow down, process what happened, and learn new ways of thinking so the hurt does’t hurt as much anymore.
When does it feel out of control?
When we have not received the love or demonstration of unconditional love in different environments it can cause habits of doubt, fear, turmoil, rumination to happen that escalates over time. It can grow and grow and grow till it’s overwhelming. IT might turn into a personality disorder, it might turn into PTSD, it might be intense reactions, arguments, and yelling. If it has reached this point, therapy is most definitely needed. Usually there is feedback from others, such as “You are too sensitive” or “you overreact”, “I think you should get help” That is what therapists are here for.
