It is quite common when change happens that things don’t go smoothly and  perfectly. When that happens, a lot of bad habits can start happening, such as forgetting to eat, yelling at others, forgetting a doctor’s appointment, maybe forgetting to pay bills, etc.  

Life when dealing with transitions and change can get chaotic pretty quick!  

For many, these unhelpful habits have a history of destabilizing everyday  functioning: like eating, sleeping, interacting, communicating and working — the stuff of life!  

Here are helpful reminders or things to bring up in therapy:

1) Learn your routine so it is familiar  

Life standards and expectations are on a spectrum for each person and  quantified by each person, as each person has their own standard to uphold. It  is easy to get out of sync with daily needs, such as:  

• Some sort of expected and maintained sleep cycle 
• An ability to prepare, engage, and manage work responsibilities  
• The capacity for regular eating, cooking, and purchasing food 
• Positive interactions with others that remains respectful, peaceful, cohabitable, and connected  
• Predictable and expected bowel movements  
• An awareness of scheduling, routines, appointments  
• A predictable and maintained hygiene routine  

When things aren’t going as expected, it might be good to schedule some downtime to reflect. Therapy helps to prioritize self reflection and gaining a  comprehensive reflection on needs, values, preventing burn out, understanding,  and cultivating realistic expectations for oneself. 

For those living with complex issues and dual diagnoses or medical issues, this conversation is crucial to find out “What is the normal I personally can achieve, what are the expectations that are realistic for me, and what is the normal that I can maintain that is balanced and uplifting for me.”  

Routines when they are practiced to become familiar and embraced will be comforting.

2) Remember transitions are never easy. Plan ahead!  

I don’t know anyone myself who is great at transitions. But maybe that has  been my circle of what I have experienced. Overall everyone shares insight, to  remember to plan ahead. Here are some reminders to consider before change  happens.  

• Take time to plan but try to not over plan 
• Keep worrying in check and to a minimum 
• Talk out possible expectations with family on changes that are coming 
• Plan cooking and meals, and even who does dishes, or be prepared to eat out 
• Transitions take longer to recover than expected, plan extra time 
• Budget in time for decompression, quiet time, recharge 
• Have back up plans the family is aware of 
• Make a reminder cheat sheet for emergency contacts 
• Keep an eye on important documents  
• Double check appointments reminders before the transition and how to  remember when the appointments as they happen  
• Reduce some activities with friends, or hobbies that are more taxing on  energy levels and prevent mood compromises  

Remember transitions are only a season and do have an ending. 

3) Learn your red flags

Part of therapy is learning to cope and prepare for transitions with each unique  brain type. I teach my clients to learn the subtle “red flags” in life and work to  get back on track. Red Flags means there is a struggle happening to uphold the  once familiar routine, there is anxiety increasing, apathy developing, and  discontent is percolating. Or there is a desire to return to the familiar and old  unhelpful —patterns that a lot of people went to therapy to change in the first  place (eating disorders, mood swings, anger, panic attacks, etc).  

Here are some questions to reflect on when unaware a change has happened  that are sublet to hint to stress.   

Has any routine that is normally achieved been more difficult recently? 

• Are you catching colds more often? 
• Does it seem stressful to watch TV? 
• Does going out in public seem daunting or fatiguing?
• Are there feelings of apathy, loneliness, annoyance? 
• Does it seem previous mental health struggles are popping back up? 

Red flags are subtle things that it is time to pull back and do self care. And  looking for any transitions or new changes that happened that maybe went  unnoticed. After all, life is constantly changing and we can only do our best.  

Here are some things people might forget are a transition beyond those of starting school, moving, and having kids.  

• Dating and new relationships 
• A new commitment to a hobby, school, training, etc. 
• Wanting to change routine intentionally  
• Taking vacations 
• Home repairs or maintenance for things like plumbing, gas, electricity  

Red flags are a helpful way of being connected to when transition is happening and focusing on self care.  

4) Make adjustments when necessary

Once we know our red flags and can easily spot them, it might be time to pull  back on some activities and recharge. If that doesn’t work or remedy the red  flags, then therapy can help find out what is causing the anxiety, discontent, unhappiness, or desire to return to the unhelpful old patterns that had been resolved in therapy. Therapists are often detectives, and we ask a lot of questions to find out the “why” when things aren’t going along so smoothly.  

5) Don’t panic

Whatever happens that makes the routine a little rougher to achieve, please do not panic.  

This is a normal part of life until it becomes unnecessary through learning new ways to cope and see life. There are a million, billion different panic buttons we as humans have hiding in our minds. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we learn to identify common themes of panic buttons. 

Sometimes a little fear is good to have, such as remembering to lock the door or turn the stove off. Some people have unnecessary heightened panic buttons that pull them out of the present moment, and they start spiraling in thoughts and beliefs that are less than beneficial. These cycles of thoughts lead to intense worry, adrenaline, defeat, and feelings like, “oh no, my life is out of control.” CBT is relevant regardless of the mental health struggle. 

With CBT, we work on learning to identify and categorize the many panic  thoughts that prevent an individual from being in the present moment.  

Panic is easy to unlearn and everyone is invited to participate in being happy and content each day. 

6) Summary

Therapy, no matter what modality, provides each person a unique set of tools to use when change happens. It is usually framed as “coping skills”, or “coping strategies”. There is no shame when bad habits want to come back. For some  of you who have never had therapy, this is all new, and that is okay too. 

BEFORE therapy, there is some sort of chaos happening to one or several  aspects in everyday life.  

AFTER therapy there is a sort of new pattern that invites more freedom and  stability that now needs to be maintained or adjusted when change happens. 

Therapy can be about learning to bring order to chaos, and sometimes people need a tune up when a transition stirs back up old habits that are no longer valuable or helpful.  

In everything, be curious and compassionate when learning about managing life and embracing each day.